Man Refuses to Pay His Wife's Late Fees After She Is Consistently Late Picking Up Their Son From Daycare: 'It's on you alone'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 22, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Welcome, gossip girls. Being chronically late is a pretty common character flaw. Some people are just bad at keeping track of and managing their time. Depending on where you live, this tendency may either be considered totally normal or extremely impolite. For example, in Latin America, showing up late to parties and other social gatherings is expected, so a chronically late person would fit right in. In Germany, arriving just ten minutes late to a casual coffee date could be considered a slight because it implies that the time of the person left waiting is not valued. In any part of the world, though, there are some things you just can't show up late to without consequences, such as medical appointments, flights at airports, and day cares.

In our story today, a man is fed up with his wife's chronic lateness. While it was cute at first, once she started accruing late fees for consistently being tardy to both pick up and drop off their son at the nursery, he had to draw the line. Read the tea below.

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/AdMuted 1534 • 20h AITAH for telling my wife that late pick-up fees are on her and her alone?
    via u/AdMuted1534
  • 02
    I am 34 years old. My wife is 33 years old. We've been together for 10 years and have a four-year-old son together. Ever since we started dating, my wife has chronically been late. I can count on one hand how many times I remember her being on time. She has this bizarre tendency to leave when we're supposed to be arriving at whatever venue we're going to.
    via u/AdMuted1534
  • 03
    If we have reservations for 7:00, she's not ready until 7:00. If the movie starts at 5:45, she's not ready until 5:45.
    via u/AdMuted1534
  • 04
    I used to find it kind of humorous and almost endearing. There was an ongoing joke of her being from the distant future where we had figured out wormhole technology for instant teleportation, and that she just had not adapted to the present year yet. But now that we have a child together and important appointments for which we cannot be late, it's not funny anymore. It regularly causes me a significant amount of stress.
    via u/AdMuted1534
  • 05
    Our son started going to daycare last year. Since my wife is a SAHM, taking him to and from daycare is her responsibility. Naturally, she is late dropping him. off every day. Then she is late picking him up.
    via u/AdMuted1534
  • 06
    In the middle of August, our son's daycare sent out a group e-mail informing us that there would be a new fee for any late pickups. Every minute that a parent was late, the daycare would tack on a $2 fee. 10 minutes late would incur a $20 fee. To be perfectly honest, there's no doubt in my mind that they started this because of my wife, who was late to pick him up literally every day his first year. I've tried to get her to be better, but when confronted, she always has an excuse ready to go, wh
    via u/AdMuted1534
  • 07
    Well, our bill for the first two weeks of September just arrived. Lo and behold, on top of the normal fee, I found a $262 late pickup fee on the bill, which means that my wife was late to pick him up, on average, 12 minutes per day.
    via u/AdMuted1534
  • 08
    I told my wife that as usual, I would be paying for the normal fees, but she would have to pay the $262 late pickup fee out of her $800 allowance. She initially refused, saying she couldn't afford it (despite having no real expenses other than her phone and Netflix), and then she called the daycare to try and debate the issue. I watched as she tried to play Erin Brockovich. She eventually tired herself out frantically googling laws while on the phone and hung up on the poor staff.
    via u/AdMuted1534
  • 09
    At that time, I told her that it was entirely her fault, and that if she can't even do the bare minimum of being an adult, she needs to grow up. She immediately began barraging me with excuses. She then laid down her final debate-ending question: "Why don't you just pick him up then?" Because I'm at work. I work for a living.
    via u/AdMuted1534
  • 10
    Anyway, the daycare won't take him back until the bill is paid in full. I feel terrible for my son because he's completely innocent in all of this and loves going to daycare, but I feel like it's the only way to get my wife to realize there are consequences for her tardiness. Am I pushing it too far too fast, or should I stick to my guns here? 29.6k 11.1k Д
    via u/AdMuted1534
  • 11
    andjuan • 18h My son's daycare/now after school charges like $10 per MINUTE you're late. They told us that they are legally and morally obligated to make sure your kid is safe and picked up. However, when you're late it prevents the staff member who has to stay late from going home to their families. All late fees go directly to the staff member who has to stay with your kid. Reply 2.9k
    via u/andjuan
  • 12
    diefreetimedie • 14h Good. The point of the fee isn't to make more money it's to get out of there on time, they already have an arrangement in place to make money for their required hours. If $2 an hour doesn't send the message then go $10 if that doesn't work and parents just pay it go $20. Ffs the world isn't waiting on you or your significant other to keep spinning. 903
    via u/diefreetimedie
  • 13
    Educational-Bad4992 5h I read a case study somewhere (maybe for a sociology class?) that a daycare stopped implementing a charge because people would just pay and not change their behavior. Instead, they put the late parents on blast on a "late board" displayed in the lobby. Late pickups went way down because the stigma was far worse than the financial hit. ... 663
    via u/Educational-Bad4992
  • 14
    MyHairsOnFire2023 • 19h NTA. She's lucky the daycare didn't just refuse to allow him to attend any longer. Many daycares here. have waiting lists (or I should say the GOOD ones do) & would have just given y'all notice that he would no longer be welcome there. Your wife really needs to stop disrespecting others - which is blatantly exactly what she's doing when she's late to pick him up. (You might warn her that his SCHOOL will likely not tolerate this one day & are not above calling CPS when par
    via u/MyHairsOnFire2023
  • 15
    Bitter-Regret-251 • 19h . My kid's school actually closes the door after the drop off hours are over and the child won't be allowed to come in if they are late (never tested, maybe they would negotiate something, but this is the general rule we've been given). 568
    via u/Bitter-Regret-251
  • 16
    ΝΤΑ agnesperditanitt • 19h This is not about the money alone. It's also about your child who is sitting there, probably alone, because the other children are picked up in time, feeling abandoned and forgotten. ... Reply 756
    via u/agnesperditanitt
  • 17
    Angelina189 • 17h It is also an inconvenience for the daycare workers who want to go home to their families. As a former daycare worker I had several parents who were constantly late, even when we had a $1 per minute late fee. I once missed my own birthday dinner because of a chronically late parent who decided to stop at the store before picking up their child and was an hour late. 307
    via u/Angelina189
  • 18
    MushroomPowerful3440 20h So she's a SAHM, who's lucky enough to put kid in daycare, why on F can't she get on time for her kid? Will it be the same for school? What is she doing the whole day to not even be able to leave on time for her own kid? She's an adult, she should start behaving like one. Don't put your foot down OP, she needs to grow up faster. NTA ... Reply 7.4k
    via u/MushroomPowerful3440
  • 19
    mynamecouldbesam • 20h NTA she's not a child. There is zero legitimate reason for her behaviour. I think it's great that you're finally stopping the enabling. ... Reply 10.5k
    via u/mynamecouldbesam
  • 20
    skigirl180 18h NTA. Former preschool teacher. The closing staff hates your wife. Her being late impacts them. There are cleaning and processes they do once all the kids are gone that they can't do till your kid is gone. They have lives. They have their own kids and family to get home to. They have second jobs. They have classes. They are simply all done with their work day and can't be because she is an inconsiderate pos. It used to happen so much at my center that we started doubling fees after
    via u/skigirl180
  • 21
    VII_187.20h Eh, NTA. The late fees are solely because of her. She needs to find a way to make sure she's there on time to pick him up. ... ← Reply 1.5k
    via u/VII_187
  • 22
    mobileJay77 18h These fees are an effort to establish a boundary by the day care. A clever one, if you overstep it, they get money. Otherwise they'd have a constant argument each day. It's not only about you and your partner, it's also about the day care workers who won't put up with it. 545
    via u/mobileJay77
  • 23
    NTA Cursd818 20h Her refusal to take responsibility for her lateness is just another example of the perpetual selfishness and disrespect she shows to anyone and everyone else's schedules every single time she is late. That is despicable behaviour.
    via u/Cursd818
  • 24
    She is telling the daycare that her time is more important than theirs, so they can well wait for her to show up. They've said no, absolutely not, and they're giving her an appropriate consequence. It's only right that she fully experiences it. Now that there are actual consequences, she'll find a way to be on time.
    via u/Cursd818
  • 25
    But you should absolutely have another discussion with her about how her behaviour is totally unacceptable in all walks of life. She is 100% capable of being on time, she is CHOOSING not to be. Well, guess what? The world doesn't revolve around her. And to be honest, you've enabled her behaviour long enough. If you want to be married to a narcissist who is trying to bully the world to run according to her schedule, go right ahead, but don't expect the world to accept it as you have. Because I ce
    via u/Cursd818

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